Over the last 10 years of my life I have become very aware when I am judging other people for their beliefs or their actions. I realize that I judge because I have fear. If I can judge others I can make sure I am aligned with what I think is right and I can reinforce the need to be right by making others wrong. Whew! That is a heavy burden to carry and guess what, I was even more judgmental toward myself; I was constantly criticizing myself and noticing how often I fell short of some expectation, either mine or my perceived expectation from others. Well guess what, since I decided to quiet the judge and make a daily effort not to judge others or myself I feel so free. I can make a mistake and it isn’t the end of the world. I can let others just be who they are and be curious about their stories, where they come from. My capacity for empathy has expanded beyond my wildest dreams. My capacity to love my fellow human being and realize we are all interested in staying alive has grown and I am no longer afraid as often as I used to be. Here is a quick exercise that really helped me:
Each evening I reflect back on the day and think about times I felt judgmental. As I remember those moments I feel my feet on the floor to make a solid connection and recall how the judging felt in my body. I take notes and look for patterns. This exercise helped me better see the cause of my judgment, how it made me feel and how it made me look at others. By writing down what circumstances usually led me to judge I am better equipped to open my heart as the situations arise.
Over time, I was able to teach myself not to judge as often and I am a much happier person and have better relationships as a result.
Please let me know your experience with judgment and I am interested in hearing how you have dealt with the tendency, and what you have found to be the root cause.
Warm Regards, Verna
